I have been in bed, for the last two days. I really just haven't felt like talking to anyone. I was very out of control yesterday, and very angry!! I have locked myself in my room and don't really want to come out. It started to come on, on Sunday. I cleaned out my fridge, washed everything down, so I would be ready to stalk up for the Christmas Holiday. Then, that evening I just went from sunny to dark! Maybe it's the Holiday's. I really don't know! I came into my room Monday morning and I am still in here!! I see my therapist tomorrow at 12:30 Maybe she will have some in sight. I really just want to be left alone, I haven't really talked to anyone in my family, just don't feel like I want to talk, I feel I have nothing to share. I definitely don't have any Christmas spirit. The mood I am in I wish it would just pass me by!! I am definitely on a low! I think this is the worst low I have had in a while! I know it will pass, but it truly sucks!! We don't have a tree yet, and I have not bought one present!! Truly I just don't care right now! I am tired of figuring out money, bills, where's the holiday gonna be, where were gonna go......?? I just can't deal with it!! Is it over yet?? It is a good thing I see my shrink tomorrow, I am actually on a low, and she has only seen me, more on a high or manic. The depression, is very bad, that's why I would rather just sleep!! I was on a great high, went to Hawaii, then to see my BFF, in Idaho, then went to Tahoe, with my sister and Niece, no time to have negative, lows, I guess that was a very up, high, now things or very quiet and I am stuck on a low!! I don't know I can't explain how it works. I just know how I feel right now!! By tomorrow it could be a totally different story! I don't know!! I had this sad, cold place!! I wish it was always the warm, high happy place!! The loneliness, and the crying or for the fucking birds!! I mean, nothing has changed, since Sunday, except my mood!! It's just total and complete Bullshit!!
My friend Melonie's daughter Kelsey, had her baby. I haven't even felt like going to see the baby!! I feel like such a hateful bitch, when I am in this mood!!! I am sure there feelings will be hurt, because I haven't been to visit yet. I don't mean to hurt any one's feelings!! It is my reality!! Just felt it would help to vent, I haven't even really wanted to do that!! Sorry, for those who read, no Holiday spirit here!! Sandi
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6 comments:
You worry too much about everyone else and what they think. Do what you want, when you want, and how you want. Fuck everyone else. Sorry so frank. Worrying sucks and I try not to do it, ok, not very often. Just let it happen. Our tree is up or was, but then it went down. We came home yesterday and it was on the floor. We think the cat knocked it down. So now it is literally tied to the wall with rope and an eye bolt. No lie, I swear. It won't go anywhere now. It isn't as pretty as it was though. That cat is a bitch. She has chewed the power cord to the laptop, the printer and now the cordless mouse and keyboard. I thought puppies chewed, but this monster does. Good luck tomorrow. And don't forget to think about me sitting in court trying to change the mistake they made. Love you
Kary
Hey Sandi,
I hope today went better for you, and talking it out helps a little at least. Keeping you in my thought & prayers that this will pass soon!!!((hugs))
THanks Kary and Darcie, I am feeling a little better. My appt., got moved to today. Friday the 14th. It went ok. Just a up in meds and some talk therapy. But I did shower today and spent sometime out doors. Better, then locked in my room. Thanks Kary, for my litle snowman light. I love it and it did cheer me up!! Very sweet of you to get it for me!! Thanks Darcie, I appreciate the thoughts and the prayers, greatly!! Thanks to both of you for listening to my ramblings!! I am sure there will be more!
Hugs and love to all!!
Your welcome girl. I thought it was cute and got you one two. I don't know if you are still as crazy for snowmen as me. Mike and Tanner bought me snowmen twice already this week. I think they LOVE ME.
Hope your funk is over for now.
Love ya,
Kary
Hey,
I have been really disconnected.
Need to talk.
Call me.
oxox
Got you girlfriend, I am going to try and call you now!! I love ya!! Sandi
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