Nope, I can't do it anymore!! The arguing about money, and the bills!! Yesterday at my appointment with my shrink, I just let it out!! Tired of everything!! Steve was in my session with me. I told my Dr., that I didn't even want to go over the bills with him, because it always ends up in a fight!! I even told the Dr., that I didn't even want to talk to him, I was so pissed, I even told her I didn't even want to be in the same room as he was. Not even on that same couch! I am tired of figuring it all out!! The money, the groceries, whats for dinner, the house work, I am just done, burnt out, angry, frustrated, and just want it all to go away!!! Just want to disappear!!
Go away, somewhere where I don't have to deal with all the bullshit!! Even if only for a short while!! Sorry I haven't called you C' I lost my cell phone, somewhere in my bedroom. We have turned it upside down, and I swore it is not there!! I can't afford to get a new one. Chase had insurance on his, so I am gonna try to have it replaced that way. I just haven't wanted to go out of the house to deal with it. Oh yea and my car is not running, the alternator, went out!! Steve has been to busy to fix it. He has to go to Southern California on Sunday, so it probably wont be fixed until after that. He can do it himself, thank God, at least that will save some money!! Does it ever end???? We need a girls vacation, Me. you, Kary, Na, Kori, Darcie, my sister, and maybe my Niece Maria!! Wouldn't that be a hoot!! We would have a blast!! We could all meet somewhere, in the middle. And just let it go!! Bitch, drink, dance, eat, hang out!! Gee, Now that Steve, has the check book , I guess I will be on a allowance. Shit I don't know, we haven't talked about that. I have a huge ass headache!!!!!!!!!! I need a job, for my own spending money! I am suppose to be going to La's Vegas in March for Maria's 21st birthday. I wander, how that's gonna work?!??!!?!? Sorry to be bitching, but I really need to let it out!! My kids, don't need to hear my problems! I just don't want the stress of the bills anymore!! So Steve, tells Tyler earlier, cause he wants to pay everything up to date this month, and Tyler's Birthday is the 19th of this month, that he will have to wait and have his party an February!! I am sooooooooooooooo irritated!! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU DO????? I have been in the house since Christmas, besides taking Ty., to or from school, depending on if there is a car here at the time, (one that is running). Oh yea, and to my Dr., apt. I am trying to stay calm, I just don't feel like going out or talking to anyone. I know this will pass, but, it's gonna be a nightmare, while it's going on!! Sorry to those that read, I used my blog today to vent!! Is it time for bed yet, I just want to climb back under the covers!! I mean, am I suppose to ask for money, for my hair apt., next week???? How is it gonna work, gee, just can't wait to find out!! I am sure, you will be hearing more about this!! Thanks for reading, thanks to those who love me, no matter, how screwed up I am!!!!! I know Steve loves me, men, just don't get it. The way they talk their demeanor, sometimes, they have a way, of making you feel like shit!!
My love to my friends,near and far for reading!! Any ideas please, I would welcome ANY!!
Hugs!!
About Me
- sandi
- I have been married for almost 20 years, to my wonderful and handsome husband Steve. I have two gorgeous boys. Chase 19, and Tyler 16, soon to be 17. I have had part-time jobs, but, for the most part, I have been blessed, to be able to be a domestic godess, and stay at home mom. LOL! I enjoy spending time with family and friends. Love the Ocean and Summertime!! I enjoy shopping, home decorating and astrological signs and symbols. I am a novice scrapbooker. My astrological sign is Virgo, my b-day is in Sept., I love to wear ball-caps, laughing with friends over a hot cup of coffee or a cold beer!! I am a survivor of childhood molestation, and feel that the laws for pediphiles need to be changed!! Tuffer laws!
7 comments:
Sounds like too much fun for me. Mike has been pissed at me lately and me at him. I can't get it through his thick ass skull that he needs a mother fn JOB. I will probably lose my car. The bright side is I will probably have to pay $10K (thats thousands) for nothing if I do because I is upside down in it. Whatever they auction it for is what pays towards my loan, the balance would be due from me. What the F to do. I don't care anymore either. I may ask my mom; however I just sent her $800 of the $1200 I owed her.
Oh, I finally got the $40 from Paul today. I was shocked, I called and he said yeah, come by and get it. I gave it to Tanner because I owed him $50 for something he sold on my ebay account.
I erased some extra babble and my post on my own page. But now I better get to doin my homework.
Get your ass out of bed BEOTCH! LOL
So I posted a new blog. You are going to regret asking for it. Do you like my new profile pic? Does it look familiar to you?
HUGS.
yeah, life can suck that is for sure.
One of the things I can tell you I have learned, relearned and once again been reminded of is that the stress of all of the challenges and concerns is most often worse then the challenge and concern itself.
I think that life is supposed to be challenging... and yes the sun will come out tomorrow. I know that isn't comforting in the moment... but non the less it is the truth.
And while we are speaking of the truth... the one thing that I have learned about that is... In truth is a better place to be, because denial or burying your head in the sand only prolongs the out come.
Do what ever you can to stand up and face life boldly. Give power to your inner truth. Become the person you want to be... and let all the other stuff go. And for you if that means that you need to find a different way with the bills and communicating about it with Steve... then you try a new way.
I think the key is keep fighting... not in the sense of actual fighting... but moving forward. Pray. Listen. And watch. The Lord is and will teach you. Be ready. Follow your instinct. And if you fall short... thank God for His atoning blood. That is the "true" beauty of it. We are forgiven for our short comings. He knows we are struggling. It is test to see if we will follow him regardless of our circumstances.
I say find a place to volunteer for a day here and there, it will give you a great deal of insight to how the world looks from an others eyes. Not for compassion but for empathy.
Your situation my not be fair. God knows I have whined enough about mine and how unfair I think it is. But the "truth" is... Life isn't fair. And yes that sucks too.
Don't know if anything I wrote makes sense... and by the way... it actually was more for me then you... but hope you gain some insight from it.
I love you. Miss you. Wish you were closer. Please call me when you can. I think of you all the time and praying for you.
Hugs!
Loved chatting with you chica!
Call me when you can.
oxox
Hey Girl, Kary, Hang in there what else can we do!! Read C' comment!! Thanks C' for making me cry!! It was a good cry! I know everything happens for a reason, and God does have a plane for all of us! Thanks for reminding me! Hey Kary, did you read it yet?!?!!?!?
Love ya both!
Miss ya, C!!
Sandi
Yes, I read it. It was both insightful and spiritual. You know me, I am the optismist anyone. I try not to let things get to me, but the darn human side of me sometimes wins. Things will eventually be okay. Mike actually did find something to make the money we needed. Now getting him to not gamble the rest is going to be a chore.
Been having fun at the training we are doing for foster parenting. I can chose someone to go take CPR/first aid with us, just one person. If you want to let me know. It is FREE. The date is Feb 23rd. Call me when you are up to it. Love to you,
Kary
I say... YES YES YES... it is time for an update!
xoxo
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